Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
