4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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