i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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