the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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