somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
