So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
