Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
