how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Two words: blizzard sex
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
