I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
