I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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