Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
