My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
