We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
