its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
