My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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