She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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