I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
