it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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