a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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