If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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