I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
