The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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