One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
