Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
