he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
