I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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