new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
