I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
