I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
