i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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