If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
