Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
