Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my being single is dangerous.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Randomize
