How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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