im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
