Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
