I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
