sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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