Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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