I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
