Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
