Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
