just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
