It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
