yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
