i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
