I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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