At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
