i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So squirting runs in the family.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
