she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
