I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
