he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
